Where Do Missing Socks Go?

In this investigative report, we will explore a serious issue: where do missing socks go? 

It has happened to everyone.  You do a load of laundry.  You wash and then dry.  When you go to fold the laundry, you no longer have a pair of socks.  You just have one lonesome sock.  Where did its partner go?  You look everywhere.  You retrace your steps.  You go back to the washer, back to the dryer, scope out the floors, look in the laundry basket - but no sock.  Where did it go? 

This can be a desperate situation.  Studies have shown, if the missing sock does not reappear within the first 24 hours, your chances of finding that sock decrease by 75%.  OK, I just made that up, but whatever.  You probably aren't going to find that sock.  Let's attempt to solve this mystery.

The best strategy in a crisis situation such as this one is to think like a sock. Please imagine: "If I were a sock, where would I go?" Would you go behind the dryer or get stuck in the sleeve of a sweatshirt? Maybe. But what if your sock is a rebel? Maybe your sock was tired of being part of a pair. Maybe your sock had bigger dreams. Perhaps the other twin sock was holding that sock back. Maybe your missing sock had an opportunity to leave and your sock took that opportunity!

You must consider the possibility that your sock is now living the good life elsewhere. Yes, your sock is famous now. Your sock is now part of the local sock puppet theater! It happens all the time. Your renegade sock was tired of being confined to the sock drawer or being put on your foot. Eww! Would you want to do that? Imagine being worn on a foot all day! Imagine being forced into uncomfortable shoes all the time! What kind of life is that? Can you blame your beloved sock for leaving you and the other sock? Of course not! That sock is living a dream now!

The bottom line is, if you do not find that sock within that 24 hour window, your chances are slim to none that you are bringing that baby back. Once that sock has a taste of freedom, it is impossible to make that sock live such a boring and disgusting existence.

Of course, not everyone buys into the rebel sock theory. Yes, there are always doubters when an incredible new idea emerges. Your friends, family, and neighbors, they will probably tell you not to give up. They will tell you encouraging phrases like: "Maybe that sock ended up wrapped in a set of sheets in the back of your linen closet.  Maybe that sock is under the dryer.  Maybe your pet grabbed a sock out of the basket and they are using it as a chew toy."  The list can go on and on.

Some people must live in denial.  You can't blame these people; they mean well and they are only trying to help.  There is nothing wrong with keeping the hope alive.  But I know the truth. Now so do you!