Sad Things You Can Do Alone On Valentine's Day

The Christmas decorations barely have time to hit the clearance rack at stores when the Valentine's Day decorations and candy shows up. Can't we just have a moment of peace? Why must we shuffle one holiday out only to replace it with the next one? Yes, Valentine's Day is just around the corner, my friends.

If you are like me, you are not really a fan of Valentine's Day. First of all, why celebrate one day out of the year with your significant other? It seems like if you really cared you would celebrate everyday with the person you love. Furthermore, chocolate factories and greeting card companies promote this holiday just so they can make a lot of money. Of course, perhaps I am just bitter because I am always single on Valentine's Day. Somehow, someway, even if I am dating a guy, I still end up alone on Valentine's Day. I was even dumped on Valentine's Day once! Yes, perhaps I have my own personal reasons for resenting the holiday, but nonetheless, Valentine's Day can be annoying.

If you are single this year for Valentine's Day, you might be wondering, "What should I do? What kind of things can I do alone this year for Valentine's Day?" Yes, a happy, normal person might try to go out with friends or just pretend the day doesn't exist at all. But what is the fun in that? Let's instead explore sad things you can do alone on Valentine's Day. I mean, why not just really wallow in the self-pity while listening to love songs, right?

• Eat an entire box of chocolate while watching all the Friday the 13th movies. I am not talking about some small, sissy-sized box either. Get the biggest box of chocolates at Walmart. If you buy them at Walmart, at least they won't be expensive. You don't want to be poor and single.
• Start dialing up old boyfriends and/or girlfriends and tell them how you were too good for them anyway. If possible, start listing reasons before they hang up.
• Buy yourself a Snuggie. At least you can snuggle up to something.
• Go on a date with your cat. Mr. Fluffy has been rather bored anyway since you took away all of his catnip. Why not take him out to dinner with you? What fun it will be to see what restaurant will actually let you in. I am going to guess it will be Burger King.
• Start knitting the biggest quilt ever. If someone asks you about it, explain how it was soaked with your tears while you started knitting it on a lonesome Valentine's Day.
• Search the internet looking for new therapists who might be able to help you battle your sadness over being single. This is something anyone who has ever been dumped on Valentine's Day should probably do anyway. Oh wait, that came up again... I swear I am over it!
• Dress up your dog in a cute sweater with little hearts. See if your dog will also allow you to put a cute heart headband on, too. Later in the day, go to the doctor's office after the dog has violently attacked you because you've said one too many times, "Look how precious you look!"
• Sign up for as many online dating sites as possible. Post ridiculous photos of yourself and call yourself Boom Boom. See how many new friends you can make.
• Go out to a restaurant and start to loudly "boo" at couples as the walk by. Give them a thumbs down if they look your way.
• Buy yourself flowers over the internet and have it sent to your job. Pretend they are from your new boyfriend. If anyone asks when they can meet him, just say he is in jail, but he will be out in a few years.
• Walk along a beach by yourself. At some point, begin to jog as if you are running into someone's arm. If you do this in front of others, it will be all the more hilarious / pathetic.
• Start reading the book He's Just Not That Into You again.Make it a Valentine's Day tradition to read it every year.
• Make sure to post numerous Facebook status updates all day on Valentine's Day about absolutely nothing. Mention each time you get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, or walk across the room. When someone posts a cutesy status update about Valentine's Day, post a comment stating how much you wish there was a "dislike" button available.
• Stare at the phone and wait for it to ring.

Seriously, don't do any of these things! Valentine's Day is honestly not a big deal. It is fun being single! Honest! It is also great to decorate for a holiday that embraces hearts, flowers, and glitter. I mean, really, you can have a lot of fun or just totally ignore that Valentine's Day exists at all. The choice is up to you, but don't be sad about it. After all, it really is basically a way for companies to make money selling candy, flowers, and stuffed animals.