Online Dating Pick Up Lines You Should Never Use (Including Real Life Examples!)

You think you've been witty. You've been sitting there for minutes pondering the best way to impress a lady you've seen on a dating site. You think you've got a great idea. You've even asked your roommate for an opinion. Before you hit the "send" button, let me give you some examples of online dating pick up lines that don't work. You might just find your message was very much like one of the pick up lines I would suggest you never use.

I've been using online dating sites off and on for about 8 years. Don't worry - some people are actually successful when they use dating sites. I am not one of those people, but I know many happy couples that met online using free dating sites. So, yes, online dating can work for you. However, I feel that some guys out there might need a few tips. Everyday there are poor souls that attempt to woe me with a message he may (or very likely may not) have put some effort into creating. Before you embarrass yourself, I want to help you by giving you some examples of bad pick up lines. And no, I am not making any of this up. All of these are actual messages sent to me or one of my friends on dating sites.

Ummm... why, no, I am not friendly at all when you call me "kind of cute." Furthermore, you don't ask a human if she is friendly. You might approach a person and say, "You have a cute dog. Is she friendly? Can I pet her?" However, you do not even say a dog is "kind of" cute. That is just mean. And no, I am not friendly. Maybe I even bite, too. Woof!

Oh gee, thanks. What a great conversation starter! I am not sure what it is about me that makes me appear high maintenance. It must be the very little make-up I am wearing, or my Walmart outfit, or my unmanicured nails. Why, yes, you've got me all figured out, Mister! I can't wait to go out with you so we can discuss all of my many high maintenance requirements.

Is this an attempt to compliment me on my last picture in my photo album or is this the fashion police approaching me with a warning? Either way, you are not getting a response from me.

Hey thanks. Did you read my profile at all? It has words on it. I like it when guys know how to read. However, considering this is actually a compliment and many other guys are obviously not sending me compliments. So dudes of the world reading this right now, this is certainly a lovely thing to say to a girlfriend, but this is not such a great introduction. Start with the basics first like, "Hey, I saw on your profile you like Seinfeld. I like Seinfeld, too!" Don't go straight in with the butt compliment.

Ummm... aren't you writing to me right now to tell me you wish you could write to me? Man, now my head hurts. I am so confused.

Oh, Foot Fetish Guy, where have you been all my life? Sounds like some easy cash, but it also sounds kind of creepy. Where can it go from here? $100 for photos of my knees? Sorry, dude, it was a nice try, but my feet are actually pretty weird looking. It wouldn't be worth your $60... you would ask for a refund.

Why, that is so sweet of you. Oh wait, I don't like you and your freaky situation. I am not one to judge, but you probably don't want to approach just anyone with that offer. After all, I have "long term relationship" indicated on my profile, not "swinging fun with couple" or whatever option the site may have that indicates my interest in that type of activity. So thanks for swinging by, but no thanks. Craigslist is a way better option for couples looking for a 3rd person anyway. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case that is your cup of tea.

Ah, a man of few words. Well, I am a woman of few words: no way! Guys, I realize in today's busy world, it is tough finding the time to write a complete sentence, but if you look at my profile and I use complete sentences, chances are, that is what I expect from you, too. A few actual sentences, proper grammar, and proper spelling go a long way.

Ummm... no.

(I copied and pasted this. This is a real message. I can't make up stuff like this.)

Wait, is this some type of emergency or something? Do I know you? Who are you and why on earth am I going to call you? I don't think so. The fun thing about these messages is that they are often followed by messages like, "Hey, you didn't call." Are we in a relationship already and no one let me know? Guys, stop being so aggressive! It is creepy. I am totally going to block you!

I won't go any further with that one, but it can get a little explicit in some of these messages. I am guessing somewhere out there, some lady is all about being told totally perverse things online, but most really are not that interested. Once again, guys, know your target audience. If a woman says she is looking for a long term relationship, she does not want the first message to describe all the crazy things you are going to do to her.

Oh boy. Next!

I can't believe someone would use such a cheesy line on me. Perhaps that is why I am still single. Maybe those terrible one liners are the best any guy is able to send to me and I remain single because of it.

After reading all of this, you might wonder why anyone would bother to keep using online dating sites. First of all, where else am I am going to get free entertainment like this? Second, not every message is like the messages listed above. Quite a few perfectly normal men send perfectly normal messages to me. For every weird message, I get at least 2 or 3 normal messages. So if you are considering using an online dating site, don't be discouraged. Plenty of normal people are out there using the sites, too.

Most of all, just remember to send thoughtful messages to anyone you find interesting. Let that person know you took some time to read the profile and you think the two of you have some things in common. Also, don't take it too seriously. If you can't laugh at all of this stuff, you probably are not going to be able to handle online dating. It is, after all, just dating. Believe it or not, dating is supposed to be fun! Yeah, I don't buy into that either, but try to enjoy it anyway.

Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle