Hair in All the Right Places

It recently occured to me that women and hair are a completely ridiculous matter. I am not even talking about hairstyles. Certainly, that is complicated enough with short hair, long hair, bobs, perms, weaves, etc. I am talking about a rather touchy subject. I am talking about women, and facial hair and body hair. Let's face it folks, we are talking about a hairy situation here. As a woman, it is crucial to have hair in all the right places, yet at the same time, it is just as important to be hairless in other areas. But why? Who made the rules?

Do you ever stop and think about how ridiculous it is that in one morning, you might be plucking out the hairs in your eyebrows, only to draw fake eyebrows in with eyebrow pencil? Even though many women don't do that, I'll bet most women use mascara. Why is it that eyelashes are supposed to be thick, yet eyebrows are supposed to look thin? Some women even add fake eyelashes to make their eyelashes look longer and thicker. So let me get this straight - I just plucked out the extra hairs from my eyebrows because eyebrows can't be thick. Next, I am painting on mascara, eye shadow, and eye liner to make my eyelashes look as thick as possible. Is there any logic to this? You see, this is what I think about in the morning when getting ready. This is why I can't make it to work on time.

OK, so basically, women in the U.S. must abide by some strict anti-hair rules. I have compiled a list of areas on a woman's body that is not allowed to be hairy:

• Under her arms
• On her chest
• Legs
• Feet and/or toes
• Facial hair
• Bikini area

Area that needs to be tweezed or shaped:

• Eyebrows

Areas that some women wax or shave, but it is optional:

• Arms
• Back of neck

Now, for the hair that is allowed by our culture. Not only is it socially acceptable to be hairy in these places, it is encouraged:

• Hair on head
• Eyelashes

Wow, it is a much shorter list, isn't it? Basically, our society wants a bunch of hairless women roaming around.

Now, let's discuss who the real winners are in all of this. Do you think it is you, ladies? You are wincing in pain from plucking hairs and nicking yourself shaving. Let's not even talking about the itch... oh, you know the itch. I will never forgive the adult film industry for making women feel they need to be hairless or at least extremely trimmed in a very private place. No wonder so many women are walking around in a foul mood.

Are men really winning when it comes to these weird standards? Honestly, I don't even know that men pay attention to eyebrows unless his girlfriend suddenly shaves them all off or goes with a unibrow. Do they like other areas hair-free? Yeah, sure, it depends on the area and it depends on the guy. Even I must admit I am a little weirded out if I see a woman wearing a low-cut shirt with chest hair. But honestly, I doubt most men really benefit from all of this either. No, many of them are sitting alone in a bathroom right now resentful that they also feel the need to wax or shave away some of their own body hair. (P.S. Don't do it, guys. Just don't!)

The real winners in this ridiculous hairy situation is the beauty industry. The beauty industry loves it that women feel the need to buy mascara that adds length and makes lashes seem fuller. Why, there is even mascara now that supposedly grows eyelashes. Wow! The stuff that is on the market now. Don't you think Maybelline and Cover Girl is laughing at the fact that there are indeed women that will tweeze away every hair in their eyebrows and then DRAW THEIR EYEBROWS BACK! What a fabulous way to for the beauty industry to make money!

I can only imagine how well companies are doing right now that make wigs, weaves, and fake eyelashes. Yes, women, we take away hair in one region only to add more hair in another region. It is crazy! The beauty salons are just loving all the business they do, too. They are plucking, threading, shaving, cutting, and waxing away hair everyday and cashing in.

Let's not forget about razors. Those companies are rolling in the money, too. Good for you, Gillette and Schick. You sell us those dirt cheap razors with a cartridge or two. Then, when we need to buy the replacement cartridges, you really stick it to us, don't you? Oh, OK... let me pay 5 bucks for this razor. Oh wait, the package of replacement cartridges is $20! Great, it is pay it or remain hairy. Obviously, we've already established hairy can't happen.

So you might say, "Jeannie, what are we to do about all of this?" And the answer is, "I don't know." I mean, come on, do I ever have the answers? Seriously, the most I can say is let's be a little more tolerant of hairy women, I don't know. I just like pointing out what is obviously weird about our society. I don't know that we can change it.

For now, it is in style to have fake eyelashes and weaves. But these things come and go. Eventually, women will get tired of all the work and then a more natural look will be the thing to do. For now, it is kind of fun to get all dolled up and look as pretty as possible. So maybe we should just enjoy it right now. The only thing I can say is, please stop plucking all your eyebrows out and then drawing them back on. There really is no need for that... not now, not ever! Mistakes happen, but don't do it on purpose. Thank you all my fellow hairy or hairless friends for reading!

Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle

Part of my inspiration for this hub was Jenna Marbles (Jenna Mourey) and her vlog called "What Girls Do In The Bathroom In The Morning." Since she inspired this, I felt it only fair to include her video. If you've never watched Jenna before, I will warn you, she is not for everyone. She cusses a bit like a sailor. However, she is awesome and if you like this clip, I highly recommend looking at her other videos on YouTube: JennaMarbles

P.S. I wrote my hub about side braids before this video came out. I hope in some small way, I helped inspire her. Honestly, I am fairly certain she doesn't know I exist, but whatever. Enjoy!